Tamest Of Half-Nekkid Thursdays

I know, pretty tame, but all of the weather on the Gulf Coast reminded me of this picture. I was in Mexico several years ago at Chitzen - Itza (according to one cab driver there "It rhymes with chicken pizza.") right before hurricane Mitchell hit the Yucatan peninsula. It devastated several South American countries, but at time I was thinking "neat clouds." The thing that strikes me about this picture is that they actually let you climb the pyramids. Yes, it is as high as it looks. No hand rails, no safety ropes, nothing. If this was in America, they'd sooner crack you over the head with a night stick than risk a law suit because you were to damn stupid to hold onto the side of a pyramid. I spent a whole day playing among the ruins and that evening as I drove home in the rain, I got lost. Now if you have never driven a car in Mexico, know that it is a dicey thing at best. I don't remember what the speed limits were on the highways, but I do remember that pedestrians, bicyclists, and cattle didn't think twice about stepping out in front of a speeding VW. I was hauling ass because I had dinner reservations at a nice restaurant and was running late, when the wife (ex-wife, well, she wasn't an ex at the time but now... awww fuck it) said "What's that light up ahead?"

"Hmmm, I see it too, wonder what that is?" as I barreled down the road.

"Look! It's a bonfire by the road, and there is a man standing next to it!" the whatever she is to me now exclaimed.

I squinted my eyes to make out the person standing on the road next to the bonfire and wondered what he was holding in his hands. I was probably doing 7o mph (or 1,433.5 kph, fuckin' metric system) when I finally realized that the object in question was a gun! An M-16 to be more exact! I slammed on the brakes and locked up the wheels and we came to a screeching halt next to what looked like a 14 year old Mexican in army fatigues holding an assault rifle in front of him. He looked scared, I damn well knew I was scared and all I could think was "Fuck! There has been a coup while we were out of the city and now they are gonna lynch the asshole American tourists."

Pablo looked in my window (keeping his distance) and said something. This was where two years of college level Spanish was gonna come in handy!!! He repeated what he said and I replied to what I thought the question was with what I thought the answer should be. The ex smacks me in the arm, which startled Pablo more than me, and said "you dumb ass mother fucker, he asked where we were from and you told him 'No sir, I don't keep shrimp in my pants." I had forgotten that the ex's dad, Major Ex, had been stationed in Panama for about 6 years and therefore, the ex had lived in Panama for about 6 years. I guess you tend to pick up a little Spanish when you are immersed in the culture.

Anyway, she and he jibber jabbered for a couple of minutes and then he waved us through. I asked what the deal was and she told me that she thinks he was looking for stolen babies. Yeah, I'm so sure that her Spanish is better than mine.

We drove for a little while longer until we were truly lost. She suggested that we turn around and go the other way. I replied "Fuck if I'm going back through check point Charlie," and kept driving. We eventually made it back to the hotel and dinner where I managed to dump a plate of shrimp in my lap. I glared at her and said "Don't you fucking say it."

Viva la Mexico!