Expensive Pieces Of Paper

So......I've had a helluva time the last couple of days trying to find a sucker.......er, a taker on my Lyle Lovett tickets. I have called everybody I know. Well that isn't true, there where a couple of people that I didn't want laughing at me so I didn't call them, but I called old girlfriends, mom, sister, ex-wife, most of the single women I knew. I eventually decided that I would just give them away. At least they would get used, right? So, I called an old girlfriend in Memphis. I haven't talked to her in a couple of years except the time she called to tell me that a mutual acquaintance had died. I knew she was back with her ex-husband, but she always liked Lyle and I figured that she would enjoy a freebie show (get your mind out of the gutter). She was excited at first, but then hemmed and hawwed about driving to Jackson to get the tickets. Being the generous fella that I am, I offered to meet her halfway. She had the nerve to tell me "in my truck, it will cost too much for me to come get the tickets." WTF!!! Free tickets?? And you are worried about a 35 mile drive?

I tried to give them to a buddy of mine at work. He said "I don't think so." C'mon, these are free tickets you fucktards!!! (Thanks for the word Jodi) Another co-worker was already in Memphis watching his daughters soccer game.

Finally I break down and call Tanya. I know that she just went through a bad break up so I figure she might want to get out of the house. I've known her for a little while, but we never dated because there just isn't any "spark". Anyway, I get her on the phone and she starts to tell me about how messed up she is over this last guy. The doc has her on anti-depressants and xanax and she has been so wigged out that her boss has told her to come back to work in two weeks when she gets her shit together. I quickly agreed when she told me that she didn't think she would be good company.

So what's a fella to do? I gave them to somebody that could put them to good use.