Bow Down To Maddie, Dog Of Extreme Evil

This is Maddie the demon dog, protector of the gates of hell. I saved her from a bullet in the head (my friend Harley might have been kidding, but I wouldn't put it past him ((yes I have a friend named Harley))). When she is next to me she is fairly sweet. Don't move to quick though, she tries to herd you by nipping. She was house broken when I got her so I assumed I could leave her out and about in the house during the day while I was gone. Silly me. My golden retriever, Daisy, stays out all day and never bothers a thing, but if Maddie is out with her, suddenly anything on the counter top (which I know Maddie can't reach) is fair game. I bought a lot of bread for a while. Lord, I will never forget the time Maddie decided to play with the full vacuum bag that I had left in the garbage. That was more fun than a room full of drunken red necks.

On separate occasions Maddie has:

Eaten my wallet. This would have been worse if she hadn't decided to come say hi to me with George Washington hanging out of her mouth.

This is what's left of one of the pillows from my couch. Or one of the many expensive dog toys I have bought. It's hard to see, but it's pretty much pieces of stuffing.

She took a huge chunk out of by best pair of sneakers. I swear I only turned my back for a minute. Now I walk like a bow legged cowboy with a hot poker in his ass.

This was a present she gave me. A little blurry, but I think you can tell it's a cricket. You cat owners, I'm sure, are saying "What's the big deal?", but I've never had a dog bring me bugs.


This is a large tennis ball, a little bit smaller than a basket ball. It lasted almost five minutes in the maw of the hound from hell.

One of the many holes in the back yard that she dug. I know, dogs dig, but this one was headed to China. At one point I looked out into the yard and all I could see were beady little eyes looking over the rim of this crater.


I guess I'm going to keep her. Everybody else thinks she is a sweet heart and Daisy would certainly miss her. She definitely stays in the kennel now when I'm not home.